Your February Monthly Forecast: Money is coming into your life but as soon as it gets there, it is taking one brief look at you and saying, 'see you later'. It is not that you are spending wildly or making poor choices, it is more that there are bills you never budgeted for and needs you weren't expecting. In February, your love life is also due to be full of surprises, some of which are a little tense or dramatic. In a strange way, you thrive on having so much to deal with, complain about - or strive to set straight. So you had best enjoy the upheaval whilst you can because soon you will commence a more prosperous, stable, emotionally comforting era.
Your Week Ahead - Love Focus: Are we all like prisoners, yearning to escape? Or do most of us simply aspire to make our cells a little more comfortable? How much change do you now want to see? What do you have to do to bring this about? You can make a dramatic, decisive move from which there is no going back. Or you can make a set of smaller, more subtle adjustments whilst keeping your most important options open. Perhaps the only thing that's making you feel trapped by a situation is the fact that you can't see a way out of it. If you could, you might find you were surprisingly happy to stay in it.
___
This weekend I get a double dose of deliciousness from Cainer who posted the month-ahead a bit early. I love little surprises like this. At first, I thought it was an error, his webmaster jumped the gun or scheduled it wrong, but then I read his intro, and it seems he was eager to post February, too. Perhaps January blahs were weighing him down.
Last month was all abut focusing- what to pay attention to and what to avoid. In January's monthly forecast he mentioned that I would learn some important details about an individual. I listened. I listened carefully all month. I realized my therapist is a bit prejudiced when it comes to divorce, as he's been through atleast one, and illustrated this through a few stories which he intended to show that men can simply be forgetful or lazy. I learned that my friend Eva struggles with defining herself as an actor and comedian because she spends more time toiling at a day-job than anything else. I learned that her budding love affair was actually doomed from the start because she's never willing to fully give herself over, creating a power struggle. I learned that my friend Scott wants loads of attention. From females. And uses his loft apartment to woo in women (women are suckers for a good nest, after all). I learned that Corina's mom set the tone for Corina's life by blaming Corina for getting cancer as a baby, and thereby making Corina struggle for and against her mother's approval. I understand more why people require their alone time, but struggle with balancing it against social time. I learned that Bruce and Shelley really haven't been in contact for the last few months. Not that it is of super importance, and certainly doesn't warrant a major amount of speculation, but it certainly gives me pause that he would let go of this friendship. I saw that Bruce doesn't work any harder to get me out of his life than to scratch my name out on his check.
I also looked at more faces on the street this month, met more smiles and gazes and felt less afraid of being judged, of judging than I have over the last few years.
And then today, I learned a big piece of news for my piece of mind: Geoffrey Rush developed panic attacks during his stage acting career, from what he believes, was general burnout. I teared up when he said it. I don't have his career certainly, but to hear another actor say it, and the debilitating effects of them written in his stare, I felt more peaceful with myself. I've heard other performers talk about them, but I respect him in a different way. I think he's one of the finest, and I want to be like him in many ways. To hear him talk about looking at the exit sign, losing his place, locking up, it felt like less of a hack.
I've also listened and watched my dogs more. I'm more cognicent of my behavior with them. I'm working on being quieter, creating a more calm world with them. And yesterday marked a milestone- Olive, Bella and Kee all hung out with me, my friends Erik and Tom, and my parents. All of is in the same room. It required a lot of treats and some coaching from me. But we did it. The animals were pretty buzzed, and begged for lots of attention, which my animal- loving guests fought hard not to give. After they left, I wondered if Olive's tentativeness was something I've made larger than it needed to be. Much like the loneliness and self doubt that I spun around in as a result of the panic attacks.
__________
February's forecast arrived the day I noticed the hot water heater was leaking. So, thanks Cainer. I'm nervous about what the plumber/ heating expert will diagnose and how to approach Bruce about repair costs. On the one hand, I feel like I should cover it because I have lived here for the last seven months almost rent free. On the other hand, I didn't back out of this very important social and legal contract in haste, then drag it out while I cheated on my spouse so she had to stay here for seven months rent free. Erik, Tom and my parents were quick to say Bruce will have to cover it. But I felt guilty. I'm hoping we can do a temporary fix until I get out of the house, Bruce gets settled back in and has some time to regain some financial ground.
Given Cainer's right on financial picture painting, I'm wary of the love forecast. I really don't need any more distractions right now, and while I desire companionship, I know I'll let it sway my efforts or at the very minimum, I know i'll let my mind dedicate too much time to the drama. I want to leave Richmond and move to LA. I want to save money so I can leave Richmond, which means moving in with my parents for a bit (please not long for their sakes), not exactly a prime time to start anything. And really, this series of moves is all the drama I want and need.
Your Week Ahead - Love Focus: Are we all like prisoners, yearning to escape? Or do most of us simply aspire to make our cells a little more comfortable? How much change do you now want to see? What do you have to do to bring this about? You can make a dramatic, decisive move from which there is no going back. Or you can make a set of smaller, more subtle adjustments whilst keeping your most important options open. Perhaps the only thing that's making you feel trapped by a situation is the fact that you can't see a way out of it. If you could, you might find you were surprisingly happy to stay in it.
___
This weekend I get a double dose of deliciousness from Cainer who posted the month-ahead a bit early. I love little surprises like this. At first, I thought it was an error, his webmaster jumped the gun or scheduled it wrong, but then I read his intro, and it seems he was eager to post February, too. Perhaps January blahs were weighing him down.
Last month was all abut focusing- what to pay attention to and what to avoid. In January's monthly forecast he mentioned that I would learn some important details about an individual. I listened. I listened carefully all month. I realized my therapist is a bit prejudiced when it comes to divorce, as he's been through atleast one, and illustrated this through a few stories which he intended to show that men can simply be forgetful or lazy. I learned that my friend Eva struggles with defining herself as an actor and comedian because she spends more time toiling at a day-job than anything else. I learned that her budding love affair was actually doomed from the start because she's never willing to fully give herself over, creating a power struggle. I learned that my friend Scott wants loads of attention. From females. And uses his loft apartment to woo in women (women are suckers for a good nest, after all). I learned that Corina's mom set the tone for Corina's life by blaming Corina for getting cancer as a baby, and thereby making Corina struggle for and against her mother's approval. I understand more why people require their alone time, but struggle with balancing it against social time. I learned that Bruce and Shelley really haven't been in contact for the last few months. Not that it is of super importance, and certainly doesn't warrant a major amount of speculation, but it certainly gives me pause that he would let go of this friendship. I saw that Bruce doesn't work any harder to get me out of his life than to scratch my name out on his check.
I also looked at more faces on the street this month, met more smiles and gazes and felt less afraid of being judged, of judging than I have over the last few years.
And then today, I learned a big piece of news for my piece of mind: Geoffrey Rush developed panic attacks during his stage acting career, from what he believes, was general burnout. I teared up when he said it. I don't have his career certainly, but to hear another actor say it, and the debilitating effects of them written in his stare, I felt more peaceful with myself. I've heard other performers talk about them, but I respect him in a different way. I think he's one of the finest, and I want to be like him in many ways. To hear him talk about looking at the exit sign, losing his place, locking up, it felt like less of a hack.
I've also listened and watched my dogs more. I'm more cognicent of my behavior with them. I'm working on being quieter, creating a more calm world with them. And yesterday marked a milestone- Olive, Bella and Kee all hung out with me, my friends Erik and Tom, and my parents. All of is in the same room. It required a lot of treats and some coaching from me. But we did it. The animals were pretty buzzed, and begged for lots of attention, which my animal- loving guests fought hard not to give. After they left, I wondered if Olive's tentativeness was something I've made larger than it needed to be. Much like the loneliness and self doubt that I spun around in as a result of the panic attacks.
__________
February's forecast arrived the day I noticed the hot water heater was leaking. So, thanks Cainer. I'm nervous about what the plumber/ heating expert will diagnose and how to approach Bruce about repair costs. On the one hand, I feel like I should cover it because I have lived here for the last seven months almost rent free. On the other hand, I didn't back out of this very important social and legal contract in haste, then drag it out while I cheated on my spouse so she had to stay here for seven months rent free. Erik, Tom and my parents were quick to say Bruce will have to cover it. But I felt guilty. I'm hoping we can do a temporary fix until I get out of the house, Bruce gets settled back in and has some time to regain some financial ground.
Given Cainer's right on financial picture painting, I'm wary of the love forecast. I really don't need any more distractions right now, and while I desire companionship, I know I'll let it sway my efforts or at the very minimum, I know i'll let my mind dedicate too much time to the drama. I want to leave Richmond and move to LA. I want to save money so I can leave Richmond, which means moving in with my parents for a bit (please not long for their sakes), not exactly a prime time to start anything. And really, this series of moves is all the drama I want and need.
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