Daily, Yesterday, Weekly, Monthly, Year Ahead Video
How far should you go? Where should you draw the line? It's no use looking to me for the answers to questions like this. You are the only person who can make such a decision. But right there in that statement is a useful clue. You are the only person who can make the right choice, not your companion, not your colleague, not your mentor nor your advisor. Don't waste time this weekend worrying about what other people might do in a situation like yours. Set your own standards. It is time to take control.
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For as long as I've been alive, I've had problems with control. Impulse control, mind control, control over my dogs, control over my finances, professionally and privately. I let others take control, I take too much control over others to keep the control chain alive and well greased. Control is this amazing juggling act, and well, I can't even juggle actual scarves (i know, yuk yuk, but seriously, it upsets me), so imagine how difficult daily life and relationships are for me.
Cut to this whole "situation" (huge finger quotes) with Bruce. From the beginning of it, gave over all control to him, sure that he would bring about a speedy and fair outcome. Didn't happen. So I seized control in the form of a lawsuit. It was big seize for someone like me, especially in our relationship. If was a big seize for Bruce, so he retaliated. His retaliation seems to continue, but his weapon is paying spousal support. (Which, is stupid because I need it to move, and in fact, it was the whole reason I had to go to a lawyer in the first place. I turned over our savings to him, so he could pay me out of it, when I should have just taken the money and ran. So the longer he fails to pay, the longer I stay, and I'm not sure he gets this. But I digress...)
2 weeks ago, I sent an email after I learned that he hadn't yet covered the $1k due to my lawyer on December 1, 2010, but had spent Christmas and New Year's in Detroit. What's more, the date for the remainder of the payout came and went, with no communication from him. I emailed him 2 weeks ago, but no response. Now... here's the old me in this relationship, I would let another week go by, and then I would formulate an email, and circulate it to my friends and family, weigh their responses and choose whether or not to send it. But I read this horoscope (thanks Cainer) and decided that I need to do what I need to do. I'm not acting out of malice, and it's not rude to ask for clear communication. If fact, I'm being quite lenient. So, what am I so scared of- that he won't respond? That he'll hate me... more? Either way, I'm covered. So, why not take a little control here?
For some of you readers, this is a no brainer and you long ago would have fired off a response to your lawyer. For me, this is two-three days worth of mental and emotional debate. And I'll prolly check my email several times today hoping for a prompt response, that I'm pretty sure won't happen. Anyway, here's the email that I won't send around to friends/ family/ lawyer. Ok- I did run it by Corina, and she approved. Baby steps, right?
Bruce,
I haven't heard a response to my email (sent 1/8/11) regarding lawyer's fees (due December 1, 2010). Nor have I seen a check for the remainder of the one-time payout, which you said to expect on January 9, 2010. If need be, I'm willing to look at the settlement as a guideline with some flexibility. I don't have a problem deviating from our settlement timeline within reason, but I need you to actively communicate with me. If this payment calendar appears impossible, I'm open to discussing a more suitable option without getting lawyers involved.
I look forward to your response, and I need one by Tuesday morning. If I don't hear from you by then, I'll contact my lawyer.
Jen
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So, what do you think?
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