Aries- January, 18, 2011: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the biggest fool of all?' 'I cannot say, my glass is hazy. But it certainly looks, like someone's crazy.' Do you want to know why your mirror will not give a clear answer? Because, in the very act of asking it, you are teetering close to the brink of foolishness. Of course a silly situation is not your fault. You know this really, so why wallow in a pool of introspection and recrimination. Don't blame anyone, least of all yourself, for anything. Just do what can't be anything but wise today. You haven't got a 'problem'. You have an incredible opportunity.
___
I'm not sure I spent the day thinking anything was my fault, per se, but I generally live my day in some sort of low expectation cloud. And of course, since I announced to myself and Nusu, Genevieve, Nance and roughly to my parents, I've had my doubts about actually getting my butt to LA. Lots of doubts have drifted through like: what if the car dies in the middle of nowhere? (solution: check with progressive about towing service and/or get AAA). How much are hotels going to run me with the dogs and cat? (solution: also check campgrounds on route and buy tent. and don't mention cat to hotels.) What if I can't find a job? (solution: you piece together 2 jobs. but first, get resume together, send it out and then reason out a solution.) What if I get out there, and casting agents reject me and I float around for 3 years rusting more? (solution: classes and theatre. there are always classes and theatre.) What if one of the animals needs a vet while we are on the road? (Solution: call Pet insurance about moving/ temp insurance for animals/ finish getting vet check-ups before we move/ get android so you know where vets are in each town.)
You get the idea. And the solutions don't come to me while I'm just spinning around in the panic, they float out as I type, not as I think.
Yesterday, I accomplished almost nothing at work. And then I didn't tackle the monologue when I got home. Instead, I ran. And it felt great. And then I planned today and tomorrow: today, I tackle the heck out of work, get all my new items done and tidy up. Tomorrow: I call in sick and work my monologues all day, finding the right one.
The other doubts I've had have been around actually affording the move- which is weird, because I have and am making more money than I ever have. I keep looking at my bank balance as if it's a lie. But I also keep spending. My idea of a spending diet has been to look at my bank balance and spend anyway- It's like looking at my bulbous belly and thighs and reckoning that one more slice of cake can't help or hurt. So, my doubts about my willpower are well-founded. But then, I no longer have the bulbous belly and thighs, so why the thin accounts. If I can keep my exercise and eating in check, I can do the bank account the same, right?
Spending diet is on: if it doesn't contribute to the move, I don't need it. When I visit LA- I'll only spend $30 per day on food. I'll fly in and out of Reagan or Dulles or Newport News. And I'll research the public transportation system before renting a car. I don't need anymore clothes- just need to fix the clothes I already own and need to do a stylelit diary, so I don't forget what I own.
I am just a well of solutions today!
I also need to be kinder: to nance, my colleagues, my parents and myself. Anger diet is on. I have a feeling these two are linked.
PS: Cainer has no idea who he is talking to: why wallow in a pool of introspection? Some of us with the sun in Aries have a moon in Pisces, you know.
___
I'm not sure I spent the day thinking anything was my fault, per se, but I generally live my day in some sort of low expectation cloud. And of course, since I announced to myself and Nusu, Genevieve, Nance and roughly to my parents, I've had my doubts about actually getting my butt to LA. Lots of doubts have drifted through like: what if the car dies in the middle of nowhere? (solution: check with progressive about towing service and/or get AAA). How much are hotels going to run me with the dogs and cat? (solution: also check campgrounds on route and buy tent. and don't mention cat to hotels.) What if I can't find a job? (solution: you piece together 2 jobs. but first, get resume together, send it out and then reason out a solution.) What if I get out there, and casting agents reject me and I float around for 3 years rusting more? (solution: classes and theatre. there are always classes and theatre.) What if one of the animals needs a vet while we are on the road? (Solution: call Pet insurance about moving/ temp insurance for animals/ finish getting vet check-ups before we move/ get android so you know where vets are in each town.)
You get the idea. And the solutions don't come to me while I'm just spinning around in the panic, they float out as I type, not as I think.
Yesterday, I accomplished almost nothing at work. And then I didn't tackle the monologue when I got home. Instead, I ran. And it felt great. And then I planned today and tomorrow: today, I tackle the heck out of work, get all my new items done and tidy up. Tomorrow: I call in sick and work my monologues all day, finding the right one.
The other doubts I've had have been around actually affording the move- which is weird, because I have and am making more money than I ever have. I keep looking at my bank balance as if it's a lie. But I also keep spending. My idea of a spending diet has been to look at my bank balance and spend anyway- It's like looking at my bulbous belly and thighs and reckoning that one more slice of cake can't help or hurt. So, my doubts about my willpower are well-founded. But then, I no longer have the bulbous belly and thighs, so why the thin accounts. If I can keep my exercise and eating in check, I can do the bank account the same, right?
Spending diet is on: if it doesn't contribute to the move, I don't need it. When I visit LA- I'll only spend $30 per day on food. I'll fly in and out of Reagan or Dulles or Newport News. And I'll research the public transportation system before renting a car. I don't need anymore clothes- just need to fix the clothes I already own and need to do a stylelit diary, so I don't forget what I own.
I am just a well of solutions today!
I also need to be kinder: to nance, my colleagues, my parents and myself. Anger diet is on. I have a feeling these two are linked.
PS: Cainer has no idea who he is talking to: why wallow in a pool of introspection? Some of us with the sun in Aries have a moon in Pisces, you know.
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