Aries, Tuesday, January 25, 2011
What is so urgent? What is there that can't wait? Where is the pressure coming from? When can you expect life to become quiet and calm once more? It will all happen once you recognise how very powerful you are. You're worrying when you don't need to. You're assuming that much is against you when, actually, you've got a lot going for you. Neither act with unseemly haste, nor be too quick to reach judgements that are best arrived at slowly and carefully. Everything will get easier as time goes by.
___
Cainer keeps reflecting on haste making waste and patience and yet not giving up. I have a problem doing all or nothing. I am an extreme sort of person. For instance, I had the night last night to do my resume, and I talked on the phone because I was tired. I could've done a wee bit of the resume, but no, I decided that fatigue was too overwhelming and that all I could muster was a phone discussion.
In other news, I'm doing a sort of bastardized cleanse. It involves drinking a spinach, celery and cucumber shake in the morning, plus a chlorophyll mixture. Salad for lunch, apple and peanut butter for snack, carrots and hummus (wee bit) for a snack, and veggies for dinner. I also opted for lots of green decaf tea. No caffeine, no alcohol, no butter, no eggs, no sugar. But after too days, I do not feel cleaner or lighter. I don't feel as heavy as I did this weekend when I ate lots of sweets and drank beer. But I've had no serious bowel release- which I hoped for. And I have a raging headache, which doesn't suit me at all. So, I'm adding back in my latte this morning. It just seems wasteful not to. Monday, I couldn't exercise at all due to the headache and last night I got fatigued after running a half an hour. I want to exercise, I like exercising. I couldn't afford to do the whole cleanse, and honestly, I'm not sure I need to. I just need to cut back on sugar and alcohol on the weekends. Plus, it can't hurt to add more veggies into my diet. I like these spinach shakes (go figure), so I think I'll keep them.
I've had little angry moments creep up over the last couple of days. I assume the detox is pulling out details that I haven't fully dealt with. Interestingly, these involve confronting Lisa, which I really haven't wanted to do. I found a few pics from past events where she was featured. It hurt. It hurt to think that she's more desirable, that he found more desirable at these events, even though I was right there.
Which means- I need to get the hell out of Richmond. Talking to Laura last night I felt ashamed that I hadn't saved more money. This week begins the big SAVE, and I decided I'm selling what I don't need to move. I bet I can accumulate $10k before I leave. Just like I hoped. I know I can. From this point forward, I'm just working toward the move. I hope Cainer is right, I hope it all does become easier. I mean, I feel my attitude shifting and lifting (hey- maybe this cleanse is making me lighter). Living in Haiti is hard. Driving across country with the support of my friends and family with three animals to start a new life in a coastal city- not exactly that hard. I can do this. I can. I think my mantra should be- I trust me.
mmmm Spinach shake.
What is so urgent? What is there that can't wait? Where is the pressure coming from? When can you expect life to become quiet and calm once more? It will all happen once you recognise how very powerful you are. You're worrying when you don't need to. You're assuming that much is against you when, actually, you've got a lot going for you. Neither act with unseemly haste, nor be too quick to reach judgements that are best arrived at slowly and carefully. Everything will get easier as time goes by.
___
Cainer keeps reflecting on haste making waste and patience and yet not giving up. I have a problem doing all or nothing. I am an extreme sort of person. For instance, I had the night last night to do my resume, and I talked on the phone because I was tired. I could've done a wee bit of the resume, but no, I decided that fatigue was too overwhelming and that all I could muster was a phone discussion.
In other news, I'm doing a sort of bastardized cleanse. It involves drinking a spinach, celery and cucumber shake in the morning, plus a chlorophyll mixture. Salad for lunch, apple and peanut butter for snack, carrots and hummus (wee bit) for a snack, and veggies for dinner. I also opted for lots of green decaf tea. No caffeine, no alcohol, no butter, no eggs, no sugar. But after too days, I do not feel cleaner or lighter. I don't feel as heavy as I did this weekend when I ate lots of sweets and drank beer. But I've had no serious bowel release- which I hoped for. And I have a raging headache, which doesn't suit me at all. So, I'm adding back in my latte this morning. It just seems wasteful not to. Monday, I couldn't exercise at all due to the headache and last night I got fatigued after running a half an hour. I want to exercise, I like exercising. I couldn't afford to do the whole cleanse, and honestly, I'm not sure I need to. I just need to cut back on sugar and alcohol on the weekends. Plus, it can't hurt to add more veggies into my diet. I like these spinach shakes (go figure), so I think I'll keep them.
I've had little angry moments creep up over the last couple of days. I assume the detox is pulling out details that I haven't fully dealt with. Interestingly, these involve confronting Lisa, which I really haven't wanted to do. I found a few pics from past events where she was featured. It hurt. It hurt to think that she's more desirable, that he found more desirable at these events, even though I was right there.
Which means- I need to get the hell out of Richmond. Talking to Laura last night I felt ashamed that I hadn't saved more money. This week begins the big SAVE, and I decided I'm selling what I don't need to move. I bet I can accumulate $10k before I leave. Just like I hoped. I know I can. From this point forward, I'm just working toward the move. I hope Cainer is right, I hope it all does become easier. I mean, I feel my attitude shifting and lifting (hey- maybe this cleanse is making me lighter). Living in Haiti is hard. Driving across country with the support of my friends and family with three animals to start a new life in a coastal city- not exactly that hard. I can do this. I can. I think my mantra should be- I trust me.
mmmm Spinach shake.
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