Monday, January 31, 2011, Aries:
Nobody is actually frog-marching you up the road. Your arms are not tied behind your back. It just seems that way. You are keenly conscious of an obligation that you cannot escape or a task that it seems vital to complete as quickly and as fully as possible. I am not trying to suggest that this is irrelevant, but if you want to do as well as possible, you will approach your situation from a position of trust and relaxation, not a mood of anger or anxiety. Your judgement needs to be clear and sharp this week.
____
You know, sometimes I wish I hadn't framed this blog with horoscopes and had instead left it open. I truly use it as a space for morning pages- a sort of cleaning out of thoughts, a free-form, rambling to clear out the morning fog. Morning pages are an idea from the author of The Artist Way, a program that I have started and abandoned probably 10 times. It's not that I don't like it, rather, I just don't stay interested. In myself. Or the activities I dream up for myself. It's really that simple. Even when I pick it up again, I doubt my commitment to it. And when doubt seeps in...
So, the hot water heater was leaking this weekend, and this caused quite a bit of anxiety because I wasn't sure who should actually take care of the issue. I feel an obligation to contribute to the solution, and yet, when I tell people, they look at me cross-eyed and basically tell me I need to grow a backbone. To quote Corina: I'm too understanding with a person who doesn't deserve it. I realize their anger, but I have been living here rent free for a few months now, and I have received the one-time payout. Anyway, all that anxiety over who should cover repairs may be moot, because Bruce said he came by yesterday, turned the hot water heater back on, and didn't notice any leaks. There is a huge water ring under the tank, but he didn't notice it, so oh well. I'll turn it back on tonight and wait and see, I guess.
I went to take a shower at my parents' house last night because three days without a shower was just more than I could take. I could smell myself, and I'm breaking out. I was hesitant and I drug it out, hoping the ambition to do it at the gym would strike. Sadly, no and then and I remembered that the water pressure there is pretty awful. I craved firehose pressure, something to blast off three days of gook that a washcloth couldn't. It felt great, I felt renewed, and slept like a baby as a result.
I think the lack of hot water also contributed to my rotten mood yesterday. I couldn't take noise. I couldn't take voices, and I couldn't take light. The two beers the night before might have also added to that, as did the lack of sleep. Ok. So- maybe the grime was the light contributor- but still.
I have lots of lines to memorize tonight. Lines, scene arc, scene business, etc. Tonight. You hear that self: tonight. We rehearse Thursday. I'm glad the scenes with the kid are the first rehearsal. I hope I woo her. I hope she likes me, so we don't have to build too much into the scene. I'm more scared of the scenes with the doctor. The doctors they had auditioning weren't menacing enough, and the scene is long a little one-note as it's written. Not terribly so, I just see the decision being made early on, so it goes on a bit longer than necessary.
I've signed up for a tri-atholon. Rather, I've committed to doing it. It's on my birthday, so it feels rather symbolic. Daniela was going to do it with Dan and I, but it costs more than she can spare. I'm sad she can't, because she's willing to help me train, but she said she'll come to cheer us on. She's so sweet, and such a multi-tasker. I don't know how she squeezes everything in. Anyway, my exercise had moved indoors for the winter, but with an outdoor run coming up, I took back to the streets. It feels good. I crave that time outdoors, moving, despite cold or shitty weather. I need it at the end of my day. It's a baby tri- a good starting point, and totally do-able without a helluva of alot of training. I think I'll treat myself to some new sneaks- once this hot water tank thing is resolved.
Ok- so back to Cainer- the man, the inspiration. You're right, Cainer, nobody is frog-marching my up the road. And I do feel rushed, which isn't helping, because I certainly haven't made my moving plans yet. So, yes, trust and relaxation, a good mantra- I think I'll use it.
Incidentally, do frogs march? I need to find out the etymology on that hyphenated verbal action.
Nobody is actually frog-marching you up the road. Your arms are not tied behind your back. It just seems that way. You are keenly conscious of an obligation that you cannot escape or a task that it seems vital to complete as quickly and as fully as possible. I am not trying to suggest that this is irrelevant, but if you want to do as well as possible, you will approach your situation from a position of trust and relaxation, not a mood of anger or anxiety. Your judgement needs to be clear and sharp this week.
____
You know, sometimes I wish I hadn't framed this blog with horoscopes and had instead left it open. I truly use it as a space for morning pages- a sort of cleaning out of thoughts, a free-form, rambling to clear out the morning fog. Morning pages are an idea from the author of The Artist Way, a program that I have started and abandoned probably 10 times. It's not that I don't like it, rather, I just don't stay interested. In myself. Or the activities I dream up for myself. It's really that simple. Even when I pick it up again, I doubt my commitment to it. And when doubt seeps in...
So, the hot water heater was leaking this weekend, and this caused quite a bit of anxiety because I wasn't sure who should actually take care of the issue. I feel an obligation to contribute to the solution, and yet, when I tell people, they look at me cross-eyed and basically tell me I need to grow a backbone. To quote Corina: I'm too understanding with a person who doesn't deserve it. I realize their anger, but I have been living here rent free for a few months now, and I have received the one-time payout. Anyway, all that anxiety over who should cover repairs may be moot, because Bruce said he came by yesterday, turned the hot water heater back on, and didn't notice any leaks. There is a huge water ring under the tank, but he didn't notice it, so oh well. I'll turn it back on tonight and wait and see, I guess.
I went to take a shower at my parents' house last night because three days without a shower was just more than I could take. I could smell myself, and I'm breaking out. I was hesitant and I drug it out, hoping the ambition to do it at the gym would strike. Sadly, no and then and I remembered that the water pressure there is pretty awful. I craved firehose pressure, something to blast off three days of gook that a washcloth couldn't. It felt great, I felt renewed, and slept like a baby as a result.
I think the lack of hot water also contributed to my rotten mood yesterday. I couldn't take noise. I couldn't take voices, and I couldn't take light. The two beers the night before might have also added to that, as did the lack of sleep. Ok. So- maybe the grime was the light contributor- but still.
I have lots of lines to memorize tonight. Lines, scene arc, scene business, etc. Tonight. You hear that self: tonight. We rehearse Thursday. I'm glad the scenes with the kid are the first rehearsal. I hope I woo her. I hope she likes me, so we don't have to build too much into the scene. I'm more scared of the scenes with the doctor. The doctors they had auditioning weren't menacing enough, and the scene is long a little one-note as it's written. Not terribly so, I just see the decision being made early on, so it goes on a bit longer than necessary.
I've signed up for a tri-atholon. Rather, I've committed to doing it. It's on my birthday, so it feels rather symbolic. Daniela was going to do it with Dan and I, but it costs more than she can spare. I'm sad she can't, because she's willing to help me train, but she said she'll come to cheer us on. She's so sweet, and such a multi-tasker. I don't know how she squeezes everything in. Anyway, my exercise had moved indoors for the winter, but with an outdoor run coming up, I took back to the streets. It feels good. I crave that time outdoors, moving, despite cold or shitty weather. I need it at the end of my day. It's a baby tri- a good starting point, and totally do-able without a helluva of alot of training. I think I'll treat myself to some new sneaks- once this hot water tank thing is resolved.
Ok- so back to Cainer- the man, the inspiration. You're right, Cainer, nobody is frog-marching my up the road. And I do feel rushed, which isn't helping, because I certainly haven't made my moving plans yet. So, yes, trust and relaxation, a good mantra- I think I'll use it.
Incidentally, do frogs march? I need to find out the etymology on that hyphenated verbal action.
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