Aries, February 1, 2011
Some grey days are wonderful. Some bright days are sad. Though we all have a preference for a particular weather pattern or temperature range, we can't automatically assume that things will go the way we want them to just because the external circumstances seem favourable. You suspect you have recently seen an inauspicious omen. Even if you have heard a discouraging word, and even if your skies are cloudy and grey, a positive development may be much closer to home than you realise.
_________
Oh Cainer, you tease. I think I see an inauspicious omen in my grilled cheese sandwich, in the formation of the birds in the sky, in my outfit choice, in the lines on my face...Call me- Jen Hines, Queen of Possibly Pending Doom. I inherited the tendency to see the glass not just half full, but likely doomed to only be half full, because seriously? someone fills the glass? with what? water? Do you know what scarce supply there is, and furthermore, do you know what's in that water? If that glass is full, then it's because you're imagining it so. Not me, though- I'm a realist who doesn't like to be surprised by negativity, so I project the worst situation before it rides in with the other 3 horsemen.
And mind you- it was Cainer just a few days ago, maybe just a day ago, talking about the financial delay ahead. So, Cainer, get your stuff straight. I have yet to work on my resume. For the last two days at work have sucked me dry- literally. I feel so massively dehydrated there. I'm pretty sure that building is disgustingly toxic. Now that the ceiling caved in over the bathroom and soaked the carpet with what I believe to be unclean "water", I see more blemishes than ever in that mold trap. For the last two days, I arrive, sit down and proceed to stare at my computer. I enter stuff, I help people, but it's all at a snail's pace. I have several very expensive electronic devices to enter into the system, and yet, there they sit. Pushed to the back of the line for another week, as I do less complicated things, push other tasks to the front. It's shameful.
And yet, no resume.
My friend, Eva, hired a resume service. It sounds like a great idea! But it's $160 and here's the thing: I don't really want a dayjob. I mean, I want a paycheck, but I don't really want a dayjob. So, why invest $160 in a resume service, if I don't really want a dayjob. Readers, let me separate something for you. There are jobs (meaningful work) and then there are dayjobs (jobs one has to have to pay the bills, whilst doing the lower-paying/ non-paying meaningful work). I want a job. Not a dayjob. I would wait tables, if I thought that could pay me the kind of money that would allow me to live alone and better yet, work a set schedule. So, I work an office job. It's predictable, it has insurance, benefits, and I don't come home smelling like dishwater and burger. And sometimes, I think I've made a crappier choice.
I also haven't finished memorizing my lines. I started, then got distracted, as I do, and decided to turn back on the hot water. Erik said it would be easy- just follow the directions. So, I did, but I got nervous messing with gas, and I couldn't see the pilot light based on the positioning of the hot water tank, so, directions schirections, I made a mess of the situation. I'm pretty sure we got high on gas for a bit. I felt woozy, but that could have been anxiety working its way through my veins. The whole situation took an hour, and due to my overall sense of doom, I was sure the house was about to blow for about an hour. Yet I didn't leave it. Make sense of that Freud, I dare you!
So, I read the scene a few times through, to get a sense of it, but I'm tonight the script and I need to be best buddies.
Egads, I indulged in fake cheese (soy cheese) for the last several days, and my allergies are disgusting. Lesson learned... again. This is the problem with ADHD. I accidentally bought the fake cheese when I bought the ingredients for a bean dip. And I was too lazy to take it back to the store, so I ate it. Seemed logical at the time. And tasty. Tasty logic. Anyway, here I am feeling bloated, mucousy and generally disgusting. But I have a spinach shake at work----- so all will be well shortly.
Bruce has been surprisingly consistent over the last 2 weeks. I wish the water tank thing hadn't happened, but atleast he's been responsive. He doubts me and I hope he doesn't think I'm just trying to regain his attention or inconvenience him. I thought he might since he's indicated that he thinks I'm making a mountain out of this molehill. Hot water heaters are no joke, and I've heard too many horror stories about floor replacing and giant expenses resulting from these beasts, so I was trying to save my own ass here. I am supposed to return the house as it was when he left it. Not noticing the floor warping would qualify as breaking contract. But if thinking this is some sort of manipulation keeps him warm at night, then that's more of a wall than I can crack with logic.
Ok, back to the resume thing, I haven't worked on it all, and yet, I have this feeling like some sort of magic carpet or safety net is going to descend from the sky with my name on it, ready to whisk me away to my next life. Magical thinking or intuition? Cainer seems to think it's possible, so why not?
Some grey days are wonderful. Some bright days are sad. Though we all have a preference for a particular weather pattern or temperature range, we can't automatically assume that things will go the way we want them to just because the external circumstances seem favourable. You suspect you have recently seen an inauspicious omen. Even if you have heard a discouraging word, and even if your skies are cloudy and grey, a positive development may be much closer to home than you realise.
_________
Oh Cainer, you tease. I think I see an inauspicious omen in my grilled cheese sandwich, in the formation of the birds in the sky, in my outfit choice, in the lines on my face...Call me- Jen Hines, Queen of Possibly Pending Doom. I inherited the tendency to see the glass not just half full, but likely doomed to only be half full, because seriously? someone fills the glass? with what? water? Do you know what scarce supply there is, and furthermore, do you know what's in that water? If that glass is full, then it's because you're imagining it so. Not me, though- I'm a realist who doesn't like to be surprised by negativity, so I project the worst situation before it rides in with the other 3 horsemen.
And mind you- it was Cainer just a few days ago, maybe just a day ago, talking about the financial delay ahead. So, Cainer, get your stuff straight. I have yet to work on my resume. For the last two days at work have sucked me dry- literally. I feel so massively dehydrated there. I'm pretty sure that building is disgustingly toxic. Now that the ceiling caved in over the bathroom and soaked the carpet with what I believe to be unclean "water", I see more blemishes than ever in that mold trap. For the last two days, I arrive, sit down and proceed to stare at my computer. I enter stuff, I help people, but it's all at a snail's pace. I have several very expensive electronic devices to enter into the system, and yet, there they sit. Pushed to the back of the line for another week, as I do less complicated things, push other tasks to the front. It's shameful.
And yet, no resume.
My friend, Eva, hired a resume service. It sounds like a great idea! But it's $160 and here's the thing: I don't really want a dayjob. I mean, I want a paycheck, but I don't really want a dayjob. So, why invest $160 in a resume service, if I don't really want a dayjob. Readers, let me separate something for you. There are jobs (meaningful work) and then there are dayjobs (jobs one has to have to pay the bills, whilst doing the lower-paying/ non-paying meaningful work). I want a job. Not a dayjob. I would wait tables, if I thought that could pay me the kind of money that would allow me to live alone and better yet, work a set schedule. So, I work an office job. It's predictable, it has insurance, benefits, and I don't come home smelling like dishwater and burger. And sometimes, I think I've made a crappier choice.
I also haven't finished memorizing my lines. I started, then got distracted, as I do, and decided to turn back on the hot water. Erik said it would be easy- just follow the directions. So, I did, but I got nervous messing with gas, and I couldn't see the pilot light based on the positioning of the hot water tank, so, directions schirections, I made a mess of the situation. I'm pretty sure we got high on gas for a bit. I felt woozy, but that could have been anxiety working its way through my veins. The whole situation took an hour, and due to my overall sense of doom, I was sure the house was about to blow for about an hour. Yet I didn't leave it. Make sense of that Freud, I dare you!
So, I read the scene a few times through, to get a sense of it, but I'm tonight the script and I need to be best buddies.
Egads, I indulged in fake cheese (soy cheese) for the last several days, and my allergies are disgusting. Lesson learned... again. This is the problem with ADHD. I accidentally bought the fake cheese when I bought the ingredients for a bean dip. And I was too lazy to take it back to the store, so I ate it. Seemed logical at the time. And tasty. Tasty logic. Anyway, here I am feeling bloated, mucousy and generally disgusting. But I have a spinach shake at work----- so all will be well shortly.
Bruce has been surprisingly consistent over the last 2 weeks. I wish the water tank thing hadn't happened, but atleast he's been responsive. He doubts me and I hope he doesn't think I'm just trying to regain his attention or inconvenience him. I thought he might since he's indicated that he thinks I'm making a mountain out of this molehill. Hot water heaters are no joke, and I've heard too many horror stories about floor replacing and giant expenses resulting from these beasts, so I was trying to save my own ass here. I am supposed to return the house as it was when he left it. Not noticing the floor warping would qualify as breaking contract. But if thinking this is some sort of manipulation keeps him warm at night, then that's more of a wall than I can crack with logic.
Ok, back to the resume thing, I haven't worked on it all, and yet, I have this feeling like some sort of magic carpet or safety net is going to descend from the sky with my name on it, ready to whisk me away to my next life. Magical thinking or intuition? Cainer seems to think it's possible, so why not?
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