Monday, February 7, 2011, Aries
You deserve to be happy. You haven't done anything bad or wrong. Or even if you have, has it really been that bad? And that wrong? If you have been justly sentenced to a life of misery, surely you'd remember the hearing and the verdict. If you sentenced yourself, it's not valid. You're far too subjective to be your own judge and jury. If you received the punishment in a previous life, how come you don't remember? That's totally unfair. So. I repeat. You deserve to be happy. And events, this week, will bring you happiness.
_______________________________
Aw, shucks. Why thanks, Cainer.
So, last night I went to visit my parents. My mom emailed me earlier in the day to say she wanted to see me sometime this week. I had a feeling it was about the pending move- which as it turns out- should not be as complicated as I've been feeling like it will be. (Famous last words, right? Well, I don't know if they would be famous or last words, that's depressing if those are my last words. Nevermind.) So, we planned for Tuesday, but then I thought it might be a good idea to go over and tackle it now. She kept saying she knows that I value my independence (and I do), and gas will be so expensive (and it will) should I live with them. But I knew what she really meant was that she didn't see this being a good idea, that she doesn't want their space invaded, their scheduled detoured for an unset amount of time. And honestly, I think she's still worried about the cat. The cat likes to pick furniture, climb walls, and generally reek havoc on anyone in her path. I find her charming, but we've already established I tolerate really bad behavior for far too long.
I heard her anxiety, and realized that I value my independence, too, that I am worried about the cat, too, and that I still haven't set the due date for this departure, which causes me anxiety, too. Over dinner, I watched my parents bicker, and I couldn't stand it. I feel caught between them, having to choose sides, like when I was a kid. What's more, add a third dog to the mix, and the entourage becomes a pack, and I sense that we'd all be sleeping a lot less. So, I opened myself back up to the idea of a sublet. My mom put out the offer to help subsidize minor expenses until spousal support arrives. I couldn't really shun it. I contacted a few places, but I'm hoping the place with the small yard can come through with cheaper rent. It's right by Erik and Tom, and frankly, it has a yard. Although there's a place on Kensington that seems pretty cute, too.
I feel sort of dirty accepting my parents' financial help yet again in life. But I'll play them back, and more than that, I know it's an investment in their peace of mind, and in turn, an investment in my own. I've been way too excited about spending money on clothes, and while that won't go away, I need to rein it in. Plus, living on my own allows me to the space to work on any film projects locally, exercise at my own schedule (hello! running at 10pm IS fun), and have space to think and plot my next move. July may be the hottest month of the year, but it feels like the best time to go. I hope to have enough saved up by then to be able to move without sweating too many small details. That gives me time to sell the car, travel back and forth to LA, maybe more than once, and the financial freedom to travel. Plus, is Speilberg does come in with Lincoln, well, here I am, just in case he needs another servant in waiting or better yet, a Mary Todd Lincoln, or better yet, some other woman who is not Mary Todd Lincoln but just as conflicted and interesting. Just saying....
You deserve to be happy. You haven't done anything bad or wrong. Or even if you have, has it really been that bad? And that wrong? If you have been justly sentenced to a life of misery, surely you'd remember the hearing and the verdict. If you sentenced yourself, it's not valid. You're far too subjective to be your own judge and jury. If you received the punishment in a previous life, how come you don't remember? That's totally unfair. So. I repeat. You deserve to be happy. And events, this week, will bring you happiness.
_______________________________
Aw, shucks. Why thanks, Cainer.
So, last night I went to visit my parents. My mom emailed me earlier in the day to say she wanted to see me sometime this week. I had a feeling it was about the pending move- which as it turns out- should not be as complicated as I've been feeling like it will be. (Famous last words, right? Well, I don't know if they would be famous or last words, that's depressing if those are my last words. Nevermind.) So, we planned for Tuesday, but then I thought it might be a good idea to go over and tackle it now. She kept saying she knows that I value my independence (and I do), and gas will be so expensive (and it will) should I live with them. But I knew what she really meant was that she didn't see this being a good idea, that she doesn't want their space invaded, their scheduled detoured for an unset amount of time. And honestly, I think she's still worried about the cat. The cat likes to pick furniture, climb walls, and generally reek havoc on anyone in her path. I find her charming, but we've already established I tolerate really bad behavior for far too long.
I heard her anxiety, and realized that I value my independence, too, that I am worried about the cat, too, and that I still haven't set the due date for this departure, which causes me anxiety, too. Over dinner, I watched my parents bicker, and I couldn't stand it. I feel caught between them, having to choose sides, like when I was a kid. What's more, add a third dog to the mix, and the entourage becomes a pack, and I sense that we'd all be sleeping a lot less. So, I opened myself back up to the idea of a sublet. My mom put out the offer to help subsidize minor expenses until spousal support arrives. I couldn't really shun it. I contacted a few places, but I'm hoping the place with the small yard can come through with cheaper rent. It's right by Erik and Tom, and frankly, it has a yard. Although there's a place on Kensington that seems pretty cute, too.
I feel sort of dirty accepting my parents' financial help yet again in life. But I'll play them back, and more than that, I know it's an investment in their peace of mind, and in turn, an investment in my own. I've been way too excited about spending money on clothes, and while that won't go away, I need to rein it in. Plus, living on my own allows me to the space to work on any film projects locally, exercise at my own schedule (hello! running at 10pm IS fun), and have space to think and plot my next move. July may be the hottest month of the year, but it feels like the best time to go. I hope to have enough saved up by then to be able to move without sweating too many small details. That gives me time to sell the car, travel back and forth to LA, maybe more than once, and the financial freedom to travel. Plus, is Speilberg does come in with Lincoln, well, here I am, just in case he needs another servant in waiting or better yet, a Mary Todd Lincoln, or better yet, some other woman who is not Mary Todd Lincoln but just as conflicted and interesting. Just saying....
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