making eyes with a cute waiter

Aries, Sunday, 13 February 2011
Daily, Yesterday, Weekly, Monthly, Year Ahead Video

Your Week Ahead - Love Focus: Pressure eases. Tension diminishes. Urgency reduces. Arguments subside. The tide of trouble ebbs further from your psychological shoreline. I'm suggesting that you are about to find yourself in a perfect situation. There will still be plenty that needs to be put right. You will feel, though, more able to take your time with it and less worried about what will happen if you are not successful. All this will contribute to an air of greater confidence, which in turn will add to your charm and magnetism. Find the right way to ask for what you need and people will find it very difficult to refuse your request.

________

Ok. I'll take this.  

Actually, I think I'm already feeling this sense of calm confidence, because I approached last night with a lot less anxiety than I normally would. So, yesterday I bowled with my friend Katherine. Her father was active and devoted member of the Chester Rotary and they throw an annual fundraiser in his honor. I mingled, I chatted, I played, all quite gleefully. When people asked what I was up to, I just talked about my job, acting work, or family. I didn't bring up Bruce, but- an here's the clencher- I didn't feel tense about NOT bringing up Bruce. 

Katherine and I had made plans to hang out after the tournament, but instead we latched onto Shelly and Mandy's evening, and decided to join them for dinner. Now, I know Mandy knows Kelly (Lisa's sister) well. Not sure how well, just well. So, I thought, this could be weird or tense should Shelly or Katherine bring up the pending divorce. Although, Katherine doesn't really know too much, just the basics, and she's not one to purposefully bring up tense topics. We made plans to go to Rockett's Landing with Shelly and immediately I got into my car and envisioned a few ways to get out of the plans. After all, it's Valentine's weekend, and that's a popular destination for couples--one that Lisa, Lee, Bruce and I visited a few times- so there was a likelihood we would run into a member of that crew. 

Also- and here's the clencher- I instantly felt like a member of the lonely hearts club. Mandy and Shelly are sort of lifetime singlers, and I think they are defiantly so. They often hang out with Katherine's mom, church members, and do lots of community oriented type events that don't involve couples. I honestly have no idea what their personal lives are like, I've just seen them through Katherine. So, here we are, four girls on Valentine's weekend, going to a romantic restaurant. Egads. As I drove away from the bowling alley, I began to think of a million potential excuses for getting out of these plans.

But the way deceit has wrecked my life, I hate lying. I hate it, even small white lies that could potentially ease the mind of the other people involved (I'm not sure Shelly was excited to spend her birthday with me, since she doesn't know me very well.) What's more, it's not like I have any actual plans, I don't know when I'll get to hang out with Katherine again, and who knows- it could be fun. So, I took a deep breath, committed myself to looking fabulous (just in case there were any single men present:) or we did see a member of the crew), and let go of the anxiety. 

(Although, I decided that if Bruce and Lisa were there, or Kelly was supposed to join Mandy (my God, this town is small), I would politely excuse myself, tell Katherine why I needed to leave, and supply her with a good excuse for my departure. After all, it is Shelly's birthday, and she doesn't need to witness that sort of interaction. I wasn't anxious about this, I actually felt good having a Plan B in this instance. )

And I realized, what's a meal out with some people I don't know other than a chance to get to know more people? This could be fun, why not just shut up my brain and go. 

At the end of the night, I was glad I went. I got an opportunity to look nice, made a good contact in Mandy (she seems to do everything and know everyone in town), and made eyes with a cute (albeit so young) waiter. I still felt like a member of the lonely hearts club, but after looking around the restaurant, I didn't feel the urge to dine romantically with anyone, took. I sort of liked not having to do that, actually. Bonus: this night gave me a way to gauge where I'm at in my healing process and feel ok about it. Readers, I think I felt confident. I think that was confidence. 

When I got home, I did replay a little bit of dialogue here and there, and I hope I wasn't too dominant in conversation or steered the conversation to more serious topics too much. I have a hard time keeping things light with Katherine, since I think of her more like a dear, amazing member of my family. We talk seriously a lot, which isn't a bad thing, but on someone's birthday, it can be a bit of a drag. But for the first time in a while, I realized, this is my city too. I scoped the restaurant, sure, before we went inside, but I didn't sweat it. Big difference in being mindful and being on alert. 

And anyway, scoping gave me more of an opportunity to make eyes with cute  (albeit, very young) waiter.