Aries, February 2, 2011
When I was a child, yoghurt was almost unheard of. I remember my friends and me turning up our noses when we first came across it. 'Gone-off' milk with the consistency of cold custard? No thanks! At first, only the health fanatics ate this strange delicacy. Gradually, it increased in popularity. The international yoghurt market must today be worth billions. In your world now an odd idea is beginning to seem less peculiar and more acceptable. Remain open-minded. There's more value to it than you might imagine.
_______________
Odd idea.... more acceptable... huh. Odd idea.... more acceptable....
huh.
Could it be to leave for LA stat? Could it be to stay in Richmond for another few months? Could it be to abandon the idea of an office job, work retail and food service? Could it be to go back to school for... acting? No, that seems inane: rack of debt and come out with the same chances as anyone else? No thanks. Yes, I get to hide in a comfortable womb and train train train- absolutely delightful! But he debt part, that scares the shit out of me. I can't take that kind of gamble... or can i?
Lately the office air, the office lights, the lack of windows, the office sounds have been driving a drill into my brain and sucking away my life energy. Sucking it. I don't know if I have a little seasonal affective disorder, what with the lack of Vitamin D- oops hold! Got to get some!
Ok back. (I figured why wait to remedy this, and by the time I'm done here, I would forget it anyway. )
So, the office, and the sucking of my soul... Here's the other major problem- the lack of movement. I don't move enough. It's so sedentary. So, I've been thinking, if I'm going to work a dayjob anyway, why not work something where I'm atleast moving more. And of course, retail work popped into my head. And then I thought, well, I love healthy food, talking about healthy food and good ingredients, why not work at Whole Foods? Yes, it's corporate. Yes, it's run by a right-wing asshole. But it pays better than most healthy grocery stores, and offers benefits, so I wouldn't have to get that separately. Plus, I can buy my pets' foods at a discount (30% if I keep my BMI low, no, really, they discriminate against those with higher BMIs). It's the compensation that concerns me, but I'll have Bruce's spousal support for a wee bit to help float me... wait, nope. Scratch that. The payscale is $10 per hour. $13 per hour for a customer service supervisor. I would be making $500 or less per week. It would take 2 weeks to make my rent... yeah, no.
I wonder if they have any office positions available?
See the cycle here? Do you SEEEE it? It's vicious. Why does it have to be vicious? Why can't I like my dayjob? When people ask me if I like it, I talk about all the things that are really quite fine about it: good people, easy pace, good work, etc. But honestly, clocking in daily to any office job just feels like I'm carrying out someone else's plan for me. It doesn't feel like something I created for myself. The fit is awkward, although I'm an actor, and people say I wear it well. But I know. I can see the sloping hemline and short sleeves and I can feel the choking collar. This role belongs to someone else. I'm just their stand-in until they feel better.
Cainer references odd ideas, but these aren't odd ideas. Maybe, I'm not thinking oddly enough. Maybe I should poll the greater world.. no, I've drained those resources. Nobody wants to hear me bitch and moan or ask for direction. This is mine. I have to do it.
So, what do I do? These are my options, right? Crappy dayjob #1= office (benefits, chance of better pay; sedentary, boring, draining); Crappy dayjob #2- retail/ restaurant/ hotel work (more flexible hours, active, social; impossibly low wages, precarious, irregular); or Return to school- (focused training with others, hone my craft, confidence; debt, low- no pay, putting off chances at paid work).
I guess option #1. AAAAAAaaaaagain. Again. That can't be right. Again. This can't be the odd idea that he references. It's not odd- it's practical, it's already in place, it's hopelessly boring. It's... all I've got?
Ugh. I suppose I should hire that resume service.
I've also been tossing over making the migration with my Dad as my driving companion. He's bossy, and while it sounds like a great idea to see the states, I'm not sure that his body wants him to spend 5 days in a car. I keep envisioning him yelling at me while driving, or insisting on driving to the point where he gets angry, or insisting on paying for gas or food or hotels the entire time (which to most people would be a bonus, but I see it as yet another way for my parents to keep me dependent on them). At the same time, it is my Dad and I love him and it could be a great opportunity to bond. I could use the help with the animals. He likes the animals. If the car breaks down, I wouldn't mind having a second person, particularly a knowledgeable person, there to provide guidance or make sure I'm not being fooled. And then there's the whole might pay for gas, food or hotels thing, which feels dirty, but might come in handy.
For the first time last night, I thought of taking Emily. She's in hell, having a hard time climbing out of it, and could use some different sights. But traveling has made her anxious before, and I tend to wonder if she would back out at the last minute due to panic attacks.
I need to make some decisions. My Saturday opened up thank goodness, and I intend to take advantage of this weekend. I have to- this is all 3 weeks away. I let the hot water heater distract me, and I think I've defended this territory for the last time. It's time to abandon Fort Divorce. If only my troops had opposable thumbs....
When I was a child, yoghurt was almost unheard of. I remember my friends and me turning up our noses when we first came across it. 'Gone-off' milk with the consistency of cold custard? No thanks! At first, only the health fanatics ate this strange delicacy. Gradually, it increased in popularity. The international yoghurt market must today be worth billions. In your world now an odd idea is beginning to seem less peculiar and more acceptable. Remain open-minded. There's more value to it than you might imagine.
_______________
Odd idea.... more acceptable... huh. Odd idea.... more acceptable....
huh.
Could it be to leave for LA stat? Could it be to stay in Richmond for another few months? Could it be to abandon the idea of an office job, work retail and food service? Could it be to go back to school for... acting? No, that seems inane: rack of debt and come out with the same chances as anyone else? No thanks. Yes, I get to hide in a comfortable womb and train train train- absolutely delightful! But he debt part, that scares the shit out of me. I can't take that kind of gamble... or can i?
Lately the office air, the office lights, the lack of windows, the office sounds have been driving a drill into my brain and sucking away my life energy. Sucking it. I don't know if I have a little seasonal affective disorder, what with the lack of Vitamin D- oops hold! Got to get some!
Ok back. (I figured why wait to remedy this, and by the time I'm done here, I would forget it anyway. )
So, the office, and the sucking of my soul... Here's the other major problem- the lack of movement. I don't move enough. It's so sedentary. So, I've been thinking, if I'm going to work a dayjob anyway, why not work something where I'm atleast moving more. And of course, retail work popped into my head. And then I thought, well, I love healthy food, talking about healthy food and good ingredients, why not work at Whole Foods? Yes, it's corporate. Yes, it's run by a right-wing asshole. But it pays better than most healthy grocery stores, and offers benefits, so I wouldn't have to get that separately. Plus, I can buy my pets' foods at a discount (30% if I keep my BMI low, no, really, they discriminate against those with higher BMIs). It's the compensation that concerns me, but I'll have Bruce's spousal support for a wee bit to help float me... wait, nope. Scratch that. The payscale is $10 per hour. $13 per hour for a customer service supervisor. I would be making $500 or less per week. It would take 2 weeks to make my rent... yeah, no.
I wonder if they have any office positions available?
See the cycle here? Do you SEEEE it? It's vicious. Why does it have to be vicious? Why can't I like my dayjob? When people ask me if I like it, I talk about all the things that are really quite fine about it: good people, easy pace, good work, etc. But honestly, clocking in daily to any office job just feels like I'm carrying out someone else's plan for me. It doesn't feel like something I created for myself. The fit is awkward, although I'm an actor, and people say I wear it well. But I know. I can see the sloping hemline and short sleeves and I can feel the choking collar. This role belongs to someone else. I'm just their stand-in until they feel better.
Cainer references odd ideas, but these aren't odd ideas. Maybe, I'm not thinking oddly enough. Maybe I should poll the greater world.. no, I've drained those resources. Nobody wants to hear me bitch and moan or ask for direction. This is mine. I have to do it.
So, what do I do? These are my options, right? Crappy dayjob #1= office (benefits, chance of better pay; sedentary, boring, draining); Crappy dayjob #2- retail/ restaurant/ hotel work (more flexible hours, active, social; impossibly low wages, precarious, irregular); or Return to school- (focused training with others, hone my craft, confidence; debt, low- no pay, putting off chances at paid work).
I guess option #1. AAAAAAaaaaagain. Again. That can't be right. Again. This can't be the odd idea that he references. It's not odd- it's practical, it's already in place, it's hopelessly boring. It's... all I've got?
Ugh. I suppose I should hire that resume service.
I've also been tossing over making the migration with my Dad as my driving companion. He's bossy, and while it sounds like a great idea to see the states, I'm not sure that his body wants him to spend 5 days in a car. I keep envisioning him yelling at me while driving, or insisting on driving to the point where he gets angry, or insisting on paying for gas or food or hotels the entire time (which to most people would be a bonus, but I see it as yet another way for my parents to keep me dependent on them). At the same time, it is my Dad and I love him and it could be a great opportunity to bond. I could use the help with the animals. He likes the animals. If the car breaks down, I wouldn't mind having a second person, particularly a knowledgeable person, there to provide guidance or make sure I'm not being fooled. And then there's the whole might pay for gas, food or hotels thing, which feels dirty, but might come in handy.
For the first time last night, I thought of taking Emily. She's in hell, having a hard time climbing out of it, and could use some different sights. But traveling has made her anxious before, and I tend to wonder if she would back out at the last minute due to panic attacks.
I need to make some decisions. My Saturday opened up thank goodness, and I intend to take advantage of this weekend. I have to- this is all 3 weeks away. I let the hot water heater distract me, and I think I've defended this territory for the last time. It's time to abandon Fort Divorce. If only my troops had opposable thumbs....
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